Shame on me....I've done a really dumb thing
Added to my friends list a person, whom i kinda avoided (crap)........not on purpose, accidently........

whatever...hey, haven't written here for so long...
should i continue, or it's time to switch to somethin' different

shooooot, i feel really stupid

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Well...today i feel like writin and expressing my thoughts ....
haven't been here for ages...kinda weird to read all that stuff that i had been writin before...Am i gettin old.....
whatever gurl...
u know what ?
it's a winter.....on the streets, on the planet, in my soul and in my life........
like a visious circle....
i got back to the beginning point.....What goes around comes around, huh?
I've been readin' the letters for the last 2 days....geeeez, that's just crazy. Everything seems to be absolutely different not like it was before. Many emotions, sometimes even tears....but the main thing is sorrow which i feel when i realize that it can be the end of that stroy and the beginning of another one.....it makes me feel scared...coz now i think i need all that stuff back....But is it possible. Vicious circle, no doubt.........denoument?

Will i ever be able to say what i used to say before, will i ever be able to play like i used to play......
Difficulties, changes.....what in the world is that all for?

come what may...but i love u until the end of time

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Heh...

Kak i obmolvilas' raneshe poehala ya na koncert s Megin i Summer.

Put' bil ne blizkiy, poryadka 7-9 chasov. No bilo bezumno krasivo. Vstrechala rassvet leja, glyadya v nebo. Po levuyu ruku nebo bilo fioletovo-sinee, a po pravuyu-persikovoe, rozovoe chtol'...vobschem, zrelische nezabivaemoe.

Voobsche poezdka, nado skazat' bila nasischennaya...stol'ko novogo za kakih-to 24 chasa...

V Indianapolise bili k 11 utra. Ostonovilis' v otele, pereveli duh, i poshli gulyat' po gorodu. Poskol'ku otel' nahodilsya v samom centre business districta, to vsya roskosh' goroda s ee pamyatnikami, mnogoetajnimi zdaniyami, magazinami, muzeyami, restoranami bila pryam pod nosom. Pogulyali, polyubovalis', progoladalis'. Bilo resheno poobedat' v ital'yanskom restorane. Dovol'no svoeobraznom, lol. Oficiant nam popalsya esche tot...gey s namekami na visokomerie, kotoriy ne dal nam pokoya, a vsyo boltal, boltal, i boltal...budto mi k nemu na blini zaglyanuli.

K 6 sobralis' i poehali na koncert, iz-za probok na doroge opozdali na paru chasov, tak chto k nashemu priezdu Akon uje zakanchival svoe vistuplenie, no mi uspeli na samie klassnie pesenki Gi...

Potom tolpu razvlekala Gwen, prikol'naya tetka, i pela toje klassno. Narodu, esli verit' ey samoy, bilo poryadka 23000 lyudey. Ogo-go...celoe stolpotvorenie.

Na sleduyuschee utro mi uje snova bili v doroge. Za eti 2 dnya ela ya kak sumasshedshaya, tak chto i samochuvstvie bilo ne sahar. Poskol'ku mi ehali cherez St. Louis, to ostanovitsya i ne posmotret' na arku, bilo prosto greshno. Gorod mne ochen' ne ponravilsya, narod bezumno grubiy, neprivetliviy. Da i sam gorod ostavlyal jelat' luchshego. Mnogo zabroshennih kvartalov, getto, polno chernih lyudey. Mississippi kishit vsyakoy nechest'yu, gryazno kak-to, neuyutno.

Bili v etom ih muzee, v samoy arke neposredstvenno, na kroshechnih mashinkah (bukval'no na 4 chelovek, esli sidet' nos k nosu) podnyalis' vverh...strah neimoverniy. Visokovato, odnako. Videla (vernee slishala) neskol'ko chelovek, govoryaschih na russkom, no ne s odnim govorit' ne stala. Oni vidat' syuda priezjayut, zaznayutsya srazu. K nim podoydesh' s samimi svetlimi i nevinnimi namereniyami, a na tebya smotryat s takoy pritencioznost'yu...chto mama miya...ne tron' G, vonyat' ne budet.

Za kakih-to 1,5 chasa provedennih v St. L. mi videli 3 avarii, pojar...

osobenno zapomnilas' scena, gde lyudi viskochili iz mashini i sobirali na doroge svoi pojitki: stul'ya, matraci...hm, i kak eto oni umudrilis' tak

A potom snova dolgiy put' domoy....mnogo smeha, vesel'ya, shutok-pribautok. Nemnogo shoppinga (krayne udachnogo, kstati). Vobschem, vse bili schastlivi.

Otlichnaya poluchilas' poezdka.

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Do moego ot'ezda domoy ostayutsya schitannie nedeli i vse komu ya tut doroga pitayutsya menya razvlech', kak mojno.

Vchera Megin (podruga sem'i) priglasila menya na obed, pohodit' po magazinam i poigrat' v bowling. Bilo ochen' priyatno provesti vremya v ee kompanii, nasladitsya obedom, desertom i bowlingom.

Eti vihodnie s moimi hostami mi doljni bili provesti v Arkansese na blyus festivale, no Megin i Summer priglasili menya v Indianapolis na koncert Gwen Stephani i Akon. Predlojenie bilo bolee chem zamanchivoe, a sledovatel'no i otkazat'sya ya ne smogla. Tak chto vihodnie obeschayut bit' ochen' zanimatel'nimi.



Drugoe sobitie, potryaschee menya segodnya bilo pis'mo ot Lili. Etim letom 6 iyulya ona doljna bila viyti zamuj. Uje bila naznachena data svad'bi, ona kupila plat'e, bili priglasheni lyudi na torjestvo. No chto-to iznachal'no poshlo ne tak, i ee roditeli bili ochen' protiv. Itog takov, segodnya bila postavlena tochka v ih otnosheniyah, oni razoshlis', vsyo koncheno. Grustno kak-to. I ne potomu chto ne udast'sya pogulyat' na svad'be, protorchat' vsyo leto na beregu morya i snova ocherednoy voyaj, a potomu, chto naskol'ko hrenovo doljno bit' ona chuvstvuet sebya teper'. Life, oh life. Vsyo chto ne delaetsya, ono ved' k luchshemu. Nadeyus' tak ono i est'.



Ya stol'ko ne pisala, stol'ko probelov v moem starom dobrom dnevnichke

A u menya ved' bil vipusknoy i ceremoniya vipuska (graduation)....

Vot kak....kak je vsyo bistro prohodit i zakanchivaetsya

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pogovorim? ...o ede..

Poslednee vremya menya prosto raspirayut vsyakogo roda gastronomicheskie strasti. Dumayu i predstavlyayu, kak vernus' domoy, kak naemsya svoego, rodnogo, vkusnogo....nakonec-to real food, but not that nasty stuff from the boxes...yuk. Vernus' domoy, mam budet dlya menya gotovit', gotovit', gotovit'.....objorka ya.

-Hm, interestin'...

-i've never been so fat before...

-well when in the world r u gonna lose all that weight girl? ...

No,no,no.....food is no good for ya babe.

-Crap i know my lil mind, i know....dilemma.......

skrew the limits.............for a while at least.

Big NO for diet, and Huge (enormous) YES for real (good) food.

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Mae left..... bye MO,hello Paris...

Pyatnica: sobralas' k mae, vzyala s soboy vsyakogo tyrap'ya budto na mecyac uezjala.Her room of course was a mess....i was thinkin'...crap..i'm gonna die, the whole entire weekend with crazy french girl...cool huh. So, we tried to work on her luggage and the rest of the suff she had, which was no good at all, coz frenchie seemed to ignore it all. Eventually we went to sleep after 3 a.m. That was crazy coz we had to get up in 3 hours. Since Maelis has troubles with dreams and too emotional at night it was surprising to wake up at the middle of the night coz someone is sittin in front of you and yellin at you: why did you touch my face...and then she started bittin' me. Oh, crap...Hey, yuo french chick go to sleep...bla-bla-bla.....

6 am i got up, hair, make up-ready to go. Of course we were late as usually we are. Well we went to Springfield to see some animals and fish and some other weird creatures. After that we had very nice launch at italian restaurant. The rest of the day we spent shopping. Which was pretty cool. Didn't buy anything for myself, just thought about everybody else in the world. Anyway that was pretty cool day. Came back home, slept till next morning. The night was pretty painfull again....frenchie decided to fight at the middle of the night again. This time she hit my face...she was lucky, coz i was too tired and didn't even feel it, otherwise i would have given her really hard time fightin) lol

In the morning she started packing her stuff again and again. We were suppose to go boating with some guys from school, i wasn't excited at all. But when they called and asked if were comin'...i just made myself and went with them. I felt like shit goin' some place seein' some people and doin' some stuff, but actually i don't regret about goint there at all because the boating and the rest of the day was just awesome. Hangin' up with people felt a lil bit weird, since i'm not a sociable person at all (any more at least)...but i really enjoyed that day. We were at home by 10, after we decided to take some weird pictures in huntin' clothes. R-r-r-r...had some fun ..yo! That night we didn't sleep, just cleaned a lil bit, packed the stuff and left at 3 a.m. Went to the airport. We were there by 5, she checked in, custom crap (where she had some troubles) dunno what that thing called, she was just very unlucky to be chosen by airlines. Well we told her goodbye...so her at her gate and went home.

No hard feelings, no crying.....nothing.....I thought it was weird that we didn't express any emotions at all.

Well I came back to my house at 10 and went stright to bed. Slept till 6 i guess. It was casual routine, dinner, tv, computer, mail bla-bla-bla....

music which made me freaked out. I started cryin.....it was pretty sad.

I read her letters that she left...saw some pictures, where she signed up everything and talled the story of those days shortly....Damn...it really broke my heart. I spent the rest of the hour crying, crying and cryin...

I feelin much better now after i wrote all this stuff here.......

There is nobody who wil understand me now, i just wish i was at home with mom, just cryin', cryin. Feel freakin depressed (but not bad), laughin' at all the stuff we've done together, all the things we've seen and shared with each other. It was incredible time in my life. And now when everybody left...i realize that my heart is broken....broken because we will never come back here altogether live at te same place....think and live the same way.........everything has changed now.

I don't know how to handle it right now, but i'm workin' on it....

Mae is gone...she's probably arrived to paris by this time.....

it's still sad..but i'm gonna be ok.

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Potyanulo menya chto-to na kartinki i fotografii, pisanina uje ne vdohnovlyaet....

Vot polyubuemsya ...(nashla i pryam-taki udivilas', kak tochno rasskazali i pokazali)

Nadeyus' perevod ne potrebuetsya! Znachit, amerika glazami ee grajdan. Vot slojno poverit', no mnogie amerikanci (teenageri) na samom dele imeyut lish' "poverhnostnoe" (myagko skazano) predstavlenie o mire.

No chto priyatno vse smeyutsya nad etim, bez vsyakih problem, libo potomu chto naplevat', libo ottogo, chto ne v'ezjayut sovsem.

ok, here we go..



Nu i para milih zveryushek...



family portrait...)lol

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Kak i obeschala vikladivayu fotografii s moey kaliforniyskoy progulki.

Eto, naverno budet samiy dlinniy post v moem dnevnike......ooochen' postarayus' zastavit' sebya rasskazat' nemnogo o poezdke, poka chto krayne len') Gi-gi...

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Progulka po Jefferson City (adm. centr shtata),a eto chto-to vrode ih doma pravitel'stva, senata, ne znayu tochno kak oni eto nazivayut. Nu a na fotografii emblema, tak nazivaemiy gerb Missouri. Gi-gi...



Vsyo tam je, u paradnogo vhoda, raspolojilis' na stupen'kah. So storoni mojno podumat' ,chto gde-to v Grecii delo bilo, no krasivo, nam ponravilos'.



continue...



vnutri. Nichego osobennogo, doljna priznat'sya, vsyo krayne chopporno. Vse trudyatsya rabotayut. No vot para troyka fresok zaslujivayut uvajenie. Hudojniki potrudilis' na slavu. Kupol raspisan francuzom, ochen' interesno poluchilos'. Smeshano vsyo i ad i ray, i nebo i zemlya i vozduh i voda. V jizni ne podumaesh', chto pod takim kupolom reshayutsya sugubo politicheskie voprosi. Nu a ostal'nie freski vipolneni v kakom-to neponyatnoy manere, pri opredelennom ugle naklona i pri dvijenii mojno zametit', kak kartinka menyaetsya (dvijetsya). Vobschem, slovami ne opisat', videt' nado.



Mimo proyti ne mogli, kak ponimaete...



nadiah, maelis.

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Hey, ya vernulas' s californii. Emocii-nezabivaemo. Eto bilo chto-to, vsem i jadomu pojelala bi takoy je poezdki. Rebyata, eto prosto skazka.

U menya ne ochen' mnogo vremeni seychas, ya potom vsyo raspishu...vmeste s foktami filoju, rasskaju i poyasnyu. A segodnya mne snova nado osbirat'sya v put'-dorojku, ocherednoe puteshestvie vidite li.

Na etot raz pravda ne ochen' daleko, vsego to v Arkanzas, no v ochen' neobichniy gorod, napominayuschiy ameriku proshlogo stoletiya( sudya po fotografiyam) Tak chto, kak vi ponimaete, na nosu snova chemodannoe nastroenie, snova predvkushenie neizvedannogo. Ah, kak je eto vsyo-taki zdorovo.

fotografii za mnoy...

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Tak-tak-tak....

Moy reys cherez 7 chasov, legkoe volnenie (u menya vsegda legkiy oznob pered poletom)...Stol'ko problem s chUmodanom, nikak ne mogla sobrat' vsyo neobhodimoe, konechniy variant pokoitsya na polu.

Ya v predvkushenii nezabivaemogo puteshestviya. Eh, sama ne veryu vo vsyo proishodyaschee. Slovom, doloy ucebu, da zdravstvuet vesele))

Vot tol'ko snova strah, mne nujno budet samoy nayti svoy terminal v LA

boje, ya nervnichayu..>)

Ya esche ne rasskazivala pro svoy 10 chasovoy shopping? ...

I esche, plani menyayutsya, moya vtoraya nenaglyadnaya sestrica sobralas' zamuj. Takim obrazom, mne nujno budet ran'she sroka otpravitsya domoy, ottuda snova na samolet, snova v stranu priklyucheniy, i teper' ya riskuyu provesti leto na beregu morya....

Ah, kak romantichno...Jizn' v shokolade.....

Mmmm, i o chem ya tol'ko dumayu...roditeli vidadut mne shokoladniy fontanchik ....

Nu bratci, pora mne v put' dorojku.

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Blin....ne uspevayu....

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Krasivie jenschini redko bivayut odni, no chasto-odinoki.

@музыка: Balavoine....

@настроение: damn solitude

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Mdr, mdr, mdr...........

Chuvstvuyu sebya nichtojestvom segodnya celiy den'......mdr.

Vsyo kak-to idyot cherez zadnee otverstie...jopnoe nastroenie, povedenie, oblik, voobrajenie, soobrajenie.

Reshila, tvoyu dushu, segodnya preobrazits'ya, postrich' chelku. Nojnici kak nazlo popalis' shibko ostrie, v izumlenii nad sey ostrotoy, ya ne zametila kak otstrilga sebe bol'she polojennogo (cm na 1.5). Fuck.

Vikatilas' iz domu, provetrit'sya. Tut postupilo predlojenii poyti po grEbi.

Heh, ladno, ya idu....Vobschem, broju ya po lesu, dumayu o svoey nikchemnosti...visokie materii, nu kak ovichno, poneslas' dusha v ray...filosofiya, lyamur-tujur. K moemu udivleniyu, gribi odin za drugim stali popadat'sya...chuvstvuyu prevoshodstvo-samoocenka popolzla vverh. Esche odin priyatniy moment na segodnya:

ya pomestilas' v svoyu bryuki...a la boyfriend style..coo-cool, huh ^_^

i eto pri tom, chto shokolad poglaschayu v neogranichennom kollichestve; nervi navernoe, nervi. Tak hochetsya domoy, k mame...hochetsya, chtobi pojaleli, prilaskali, obnyali. :pitty:. Ya uje sovsem odichala. Oh ustala ya ot etoy ssilki...domoy, bi mne ,domoy.

Esche nenaglyadniy moy nikak ne udosujit'sya osvedomit'sya o moem zdorov'e...:koz: To on namilivalsya priehat', odna ideya menya uje povergla v shok, potom voobsche propal. Vot tak vsegda, kanet v letu, a potom nachinayutsya zvonki ( i eta durackaya privichka ostavlyat' sumasshedshie soobscheniya na ovtootvetchike).......ustala ya ot vsego.

Obidet'sya chtoli na nego ...

Popitalas' segodnya pozanimats'ya "sat"...otkrila, pochitala, zakrila

Segodnya-uje istoriya, zavtra-den' dlya novih dostijeniy.

Lyublyu tebya, jizn'.